Early morning skypes with the hubband. He’s on lunch break and I’m in my hammock - thank you technology ❥

It’s been one year of missing Popup, and although it’s been difficult I keep in mind how blessed I am and continue to be by people who adopt me into their lives. My relationship with Mum has become stronger, and my admiration of her has grown. Miss you Popup. (This is a ring that he gave her, and after his passing she gave to me). ♥

Our tree only blooms for a few days, but it’s something we cherish. I was able to send this photo to Duke - it made him slightly home sick, though it’s such a beautiful sight.

I’ve been terrible about updating. My apologies! Have some teal nails with my scion as an awesome backdrop!

Popsicle and plushie for the sickly daughter from my Mum - and an evening of lounging and skyping with the hubband while watching Bones. 

Comforts & Cuddles

It’s been a hectic month (but worth it).

02 . 06 . 2013 - Home is where you go to rest your bones

It’s been awhile, yes? Since October, at least. I’ve had troubles when it comes to this page that was supposed to be about our wonderful experience in adoption, remodeling our home, friends, family, fun times, good health and silly pets. But from November forward I’ve struggle to blog such things, because they’ve hardly existed. I try to keep myself focused on the more positive happenings, minor as they’ve been lately, but I hold on to them dearly.

*  We had hardly heard about the process with Z and how it was going, even though we’d made attempts to contact the social worker, to be approved for adoption should the time come, and do everything we could to ensure our connection with Z remains.

We had gone on vacation to Iowa in October and they sent us paper work to have physicals checked, they mentioned no time frame for when this was needed by, Z wasn’t legally free, so we didn’t know there was any sort of rush. Then we received a letter when we returned home saying they terminated the approval for adoption. When I called our state worker she then informed me that there was a 15 day period in which it needed to be completed. It had been written no where, never stressed or even mentioned.

They’ve since re-opened it, in December they terminated all rights and have begun to move toward a permanent plan for Z. We found this out in January when our state worker (not Z’s case worker) called and told us they were wanting our adoption approval completed. However, once we again tried to contact Z’s case worker, she informed us that she will be suggesting Grandma have permanent care of Z, because in her opinion she is “thriving” with her. Sure, she thrives as a 3 year old with her 50 year old, non-english speaking, grandmother whose son (Z’s father) is doing time in prison for stabbing someone. We’re not as confident that she’ll be thriving when she’s 15, possibly dealing with being bi-polar and having issues with addiction (as her mother does) and grandma is 65, while her dad finally gets out of prison.

We have stated our concerns, and our reasons why we feel as though Z would do better with us. For example, Z has a brother, who is already separated from my cousin and lives with his aunt, on his fathers side, in California. We know part of his family is in Spokane, we’ve even been to their home before. We are the middle ground between Z and any future siblings, with dad in jail there won’t be any little ones on his end, and my cousin is still out and about, on the same path as she’s always been. However, the state of Oregon has made it painfully clear, our concerns are not their concerns.

*  In December our furbaby, Mr. Deeds, was having trouble with blood in his wee. Once we took him to the doctor they put him on medicine for two weeks and had me return to see if there had been any improvement. Dr. Taylor, who was very pleasant to work with, had attempted to extract urine from Deedsie and instead hit a -crunchy- area instead of his bladder. No good, folks! After an X-ray they found stones, one nearly as big as a dime! So off to surgery he went, and let me inform you - he was quite the little sad pup when he came home! Groggy doesn’t do well with Deedsie, not one bit.

* Between November and now there’s been troubles, but we’ve manged to keep our spirits afloat, filling the negative spaces in our lives, that were growing at a discouraging rate, with loving people, holidays, food, - OH THE FOOD. I put on a good 20 lbs, 15 in October, and another 5 in between then and now. Back on that Bandwagon!

* This past Superbowl Sunday I had to give and receive many farewell hugs and kisses from Duke. He’s off to Texas for 5.5 months, due to return home in July. I won’t be visiting (everyone asks), and leading up to the day I had such high anxiety about it. The last time he had been gone for 9.5 months, and if you’re close to us you know what happened during that time, how long it took to get back to normal, how broken we had become. However, before Duke left we sat down and listed off all the things that would be different

- He doesn’t have work to take back to his dorm, so he’ll be free to talk most nights

- He can get internet hooked up in his room, SKYPE!!

- Our church has an evening service, no reason to miss it!

- I work at a job where I remain very social, so I will be less likely to shut down and hole myself in for the entire time.

- I am set to write my books! February is very busy for myself already, so I’ve committed to writing something everyday, even if only a single quote.

- Close friends are -very- aware to check up on me regularly, to help keep me busy and involved. Which shouldn’t be difficult with amazing movies coming to theaters this year, my bestie getting married and I’m her matron of honor, and another close friend will be having her 3rd baby, and they’re keeping it a surprise!

—————-

Ever have that feeling “No year will be as good as this one?” I have to say we did, 2012 was filled with amazing events, great friends, and lots of traveling. I believe we will struggle to make 2013 as great as last year, but we’re on our way. We will look toward our future, make plans, set goals, and do our best to create happiness in all of this chaos and heartache.

The first question people have asked within the few days that have past has been “Are you okay?” To answer, yes I am okay, I am doing okay. Duke made this for me (see photo above) before he left, I had seen it on Pinterest and thought it would be perfect for my gallery wall. I love it, it’s a fantastic reminder of where home is, Texas isn’t his home, I am, and that alone makes me feel okay.

09 . 26 . 2012 - “Amazed.”

I have teetered and tottered with my weight since I can remember, and it has taken YEARS for me to figure out what works for my body. Diet and exercise didn’t work, 1200 calories a day didn’t work, atkins, weight watchers, the body diet, fasting from meat, fasting from dairy, eating 5 times a day, only doing cardio, taking birth control - and I’m sure there are a few I’m forgetting. I’d lose and gain for what seemed to be no reason at all so we had my hormones tested, cortisol levels, thyroid, and everything came back normal.

There are many days I wish so badly that I could just eat 1200 calories a day and do Zumba and call it good. I’ve cried and prayed. I talk about my weight often because it’s such a huge part of my every day life. After I figured out what it took, I was elated, however, it’s much more difficult, and a much more drastic life style change. I’ve only managed to lose about 15-20 lbs since the start of this year, which can feel so minimal considering most lose around 2 lbs a week.

But there are days I look at how far I’ve come in understanding my body, I put on certain clothing, have a good hair day, and I find myself proud that I’ve fought my way through this. And I’m thankful that God didn’t step in to make this easy for me, it could have robbed me of my personal victory.

I’m still chasing my lions!

09 . 20 . 2012 - “Sneak Peek”

I know it’s not even October. But as soon as my birthday month is over (August) my next thought bounds to “HALLOWEEEEEEEENNNNN!!!!” This is my Halloween tree, and a few of my potions. I went to Value Village today and bought tons more to make some fun vials and magic spells. I love the little fantasy land my home becomes during this time of year.

09 . 17 . 2012 -“What kind of magic spell to use?”

Never too early to start working on Halloween decor!